Children's game goes pro...

Anyone see this? Last week, ON TELEVISION, was the "2006 World RPS Championships." That is RPS as in, you guessed it, Rock Paper Scissors.

Jesus! People will make a competition out of anything! What makes it worse is that people get paid to win this. And, on top of that, there are companies who bought ad time when this whole friggin' thing was televised!

There is even a website for the World RPS Society. There you can find instructions on how to play, strategies, trading cards (!?), tournament results, etc.

They refer to those who "compete" in their tournaments as "pro's". There are even "Pro-Am's". What would distiguish someone as a pro as opposed to an amateur is beyond me.

What strategy can there be in this? There are 9 possible combinations with the exact same percentages of winning, losing and tying with each throw (33.333%). I guess you can "study" your opponent to see if he or she tends towards any patterns. You can make "gambits" by throwing the same thing a bunch of times in a row: "I just know Pepe won't throw 'rock' five times in a row..." These are things we did as 9 year olds trying to figure who gets first ups in kickball or who has to go up and kiss the ugly girl.

And how lazy are we to watch this stuff? Being there is one thing--maybe your buddy or girlfriend is in it. (Even that is lame, though.) But how about sitting at home, expending zero effort, watching people do this? What's next? The world coin-flipping championships? Or, the finger-throwing thing? You know, when you say "let's shoot for it," call odds or evens and proceed to throw either one finger or two; I'm not sure what that's called.

I have to admit that I tuned into it for like a total of 10 seconds. They were interviewing a woman who just won a match. She said (and I quote, or at least paraphrase pretty well): "If I hadn't thrown rock just then, my life would have been changed forever."

Life changing forever? Her life must be very shitty if the RPS championships is a "life-changing" experience. Had she not won, what would have happened? Those multi-million dollar sponsorships might not have rolled in. The paparozzi might not be tailing her with the same vigor as they do for Britney Spears. Those cover pieces on Time, People and Wall Street Journal might not have happened.

Maybe I'm missing a big money-making opportunity by not producing TV shows involving the most idiotic of premises. Maybe there is a Wiffleball, or speed reading, or sand trap raking (for the golfers in the crowd), or lawn mowing competition in need of televising.

How about a spelling bee or cup stacking or rock, paper scissors? Wait. Those have been done...