Children's game goes pro...

Anyone see this? Last week, ON TELEVISION, was the "2006 World RPS Championships." That is RPS as in, you guessed it, Rock Paper Scissors.

Jesus! People will make a competition out of anything! What makes it worse is that people get paid to win this. And, on top of that, there are companies who bought ad time when this whole friggin' thing was televised!

There is even a website for the World RPS Society. There you can find instructions on how to play, strategies, trading cards (!?), tournament results, etc.

They refer to those who "compete" in their tournaments as "pro's". There are even "Pro-Am's". What would distiguish someone as a pro as opposed to an amateur is beyond me.

What strategy can there be in this? There are 9 possible combinations with the exact same percentages of winning, losing and tying with each throw (33.333%). I guess you can "study" your opponent to see if he or she tends towards any patterns. You can make "gambits" by throwing the same thing a bunch of times in a row: "I just know Pepe won't throw 'rock' five times in a row..." These are things we did as 9 year olds trying to figure who gets first ups in kickball or who has to go up and kiss the ugly girl.

And how lazy are we to watch this stuff? Being there is one thing--maybe your buddy or girlfriend is in it. (Even that is lame, though.) But how about sitting at home, expending zero effort, watching people do this? What's next? The world coin-flipping championships? Or, the finger-throwing thing? You know, when you say "let's shoot for it," call odds or evens and proceed to throw either one finger or two; I'm not sure what that's called.

I have to admit that I tuned into it for like a total of 10 seconds. They were interviewing a woman who just won a match. She said (and I quote, or at least paraphrase pretty well): "If I hadn't thrown rock just then, my life would have been changed forever."

Life changing forever? Her life must be very shitty if the RPS championships is a "life-changing" experience. Had she not won, what would have happened? Those multi-million dollar sponsorships might not have rolled in. The paparozzi might not be tailing her with the same vigor as they do for Britney Spears. Those cover pieces on Time, People and Wall Street Journal might not have happened.

Maybe I'm missing a big money-making opportunity by not producing TV shows involving the most idiotic of premises. Maybe there is a Wiffleball, or speed reading, or sand trap raking (for the golfers in the crowd), or lawn mowing competition in need of televising.

How about a spelling bee or cup stacking or rock, paper scissors? Wait. Those have been done...

(almost) Employed!!

Well, BG, after a year and a half, is now almost officially employed! I start a job on Monday, June 12! It's in the glorious field of pension plans. Not only pension plans, but the compliance testing and government filings thereof! Exciting stuff.

But, it's great to get back to work. I say "almost" because I haven't got my first paycheck yet. That is when I'll be officially employed.

I will be knee-deep in HCE's, top heavy tests and form 5500 filings.

Stop! I know you are jealous.

Not only am I a geek; I'm a pension geek. Don't tell my girlfriend...

Find Your Seats, Please

A while back, I wrote about automatic teller machines being part of America's growing illiteracy problem. (ATM's: Americans' new illiteracy problem) Well, I think I found another one: simply finding our seats at a ballgame or concert.

I find this really baffling. Most venues have their seats broken up into large sections, or levels (field boxes, loge, mezzanine, orchestra, etc), then smaller sections, then rows, then seats. The small sections usually are denoted by numbers like 10, 213, 405 in stadiums and arenas and letters in theatres. The rows are usually letters, though some sections are so big, they use double letters or numbers. And we all know the seats are numbered in almost all cases.

So, to me, all it seems to take to reach seats is really just a rudimentary understanding of the Latin alphabet--the one English, Spanish, French and many other languages use--and a second, rudimentary, familiarity with the Arabic numeral system.

How hard can it be to read the ticket, glean which level on which we are sitting and then find the section and ultimately the row and seat? If we are lost or misdirected, many times an usher is around to help us. I will grant this: some venues are confusing when it comes to finding the sections due to poor design, poor signage or both. However, that does not excuse the utter lack of common sense people have when trying to find rows and seats.

It is very simple, people! 1) Look at the ticket 2) Find what's labeled as "Row". 3) Remember that letter or number. 4) Look down at wither the ground or the side of the last seat of each row. The row letter should be shown there. 5) Go up or down the stairs and find the row that matches the one on the ticket. Sound simple?

Well, anyone who has been to a venue of even modest size that had reserved seating has to have seen packs of people who look like they are more lost than a tourist navigating a Middle Easter bazaar. It is totally amazing at the stupidity of some people.

And all these stupid people ruin the experience for the rest of us thinking humans attending the event.

Another thing that pisses me off is when people try to enter a row from the wrong end! If you have seats 28, 29 and 30, why would you try to enter the row on the end where there are seat #'s 1, 2 and 3?? OK. Maybe you didn't know how wide the row was. fair enough. But when you have to get up (in the middle of an inning!!), please look around an pick the path of least resistance. That is, pick the shortest, or, more importantly, the least crowded way to the end of the row!

A few things to remember: Rows go in alphabetical order, with row A being closer (or lower) to the action than row B. B is closer than C, etc. Try to enter and exit a row at the point of least resistant, i.e. least crowded. If you are not sure, ask an usher--there is no shame in asking directions.

And before I sign off, one more rant: If there is a group of four guys, why do they each have to go to the bathroom, get something to eat or drink, or get up to make a phone call at different times?

I have a feeling all those stupid and lost people at stadiums and arenas and theatres are the ones who take forever at the ATM's.

New posts coming...

Why can't people find their seats at a ball game or a concert, etc...

No high school diploma, wanna get into college, no prob!!!

I will get to these very soon...